sending it all to Him

"Turn to the Lord. Exercise all of the faith you have in Him. Let Him share your burden. Allow His grace to lighten your load."

Donald L. Hallstrom, "Turn to the Lord," Ensign, May 2010, 80

If I fall

This is my current obsession.

Thank you.

White Female from the suburbs of Colorado

Yes, I blogged. But seeing how this is a homework assignment, don't get your hopes up too high that I'll be blogging more regularly. Such a tease I am!



This is my journal. Oh how I love it! I can't tell you the amount of time I have spent writing my thoughts and impressions, pouring out my soul onto its wonderful pages! In order for me to keep my sanity through my busy schedule, I have to make time for just me and my journal; it's a time to do my best soul searching and life planning. I have kept up a consistent journal since high school where I have tried to write something of worth every day. You could say that my journal is a metaphor for my life. In high school I used to write about every single detail of my day: what I did with my best friends, what I wore, and what gifts I got for Christmas, etc. These things were so big and important at the time, but have now become obsolete and materialistic. Overtime I have honed my journal writing skills as I realize what things are truly important to me. Those are the things I write about. As I have experienced life and matured, my journal has been right there with me. Within its pages you can find my current moods, my deepest desires, my favorite things, clippings and handouts of inspirational quotes, Chinese fortunes, my church notes, my gratitude towards others and spiritual impressions--anything and everything that I find brings me joy.

In this picture you can also see my favorite pen. You have to have a good pen when writing in your journal. Make it your own! Find what makes you happy.



This is obviously a picture of the mountains (You can see the Y if you look close!). I took this picture last year with my Holga Camera. This photo represents my love for nature. I like to think that during the creation I had some part in helping plan forests, trees, mountains, the smell of blossoms, etc. all things beautiful in nature because more than anything, I find my self wanting to soak up the sounds and smells of the outdoors. If I had the choice, I would sit outside all day under the shade of a tree just thinking (Gosh I'm just a romantic at heart). I often find that I feel more at peace after a stressful day and more connected to my Heavenly Father when I spend time outside even just for several minutes. Sometimes it's all I need to pull me back to reality.



This picture of my beautiful family hangs on the wall near my bed. My family is such a part of me that I can't imagine life with out them. They are my life and my best friends and I am so excited to live with them eternally! I can think of specific things that I have learned from the examples of each member of my family that have allowed me to grow and that have made me to the person I am today. Even though we don't all live in the same state or talk everyday, we know the deep love that we have for each other and are always there to lift and care for one another.

i just really want a nap

Holga love

If change is the spice of life then my life is the taco bell hot sauce flavor "fire!"

Remember last year? I was waiting, anticipating specific things that I knew would happen. Now I am waiting for things that I don't know will happen . . . yet.

Fall is sure to bring many spicy changes. I am ready to move on and experience new things. I am anxious.

Also I just really want a nap ;)

to die for blueberry muffins

With a plethora of extra blueberries in my fridge {I got a sweet deal of 2 lb for $3.99 at smiths} and an itch to bake, I found this recipe online and tried it. With a few alterations of my own {i.e. whole wheat flour} I made a delightful treat. I wish I had replaced splenda for sugar and applesauce for oil, but alas did not have those ingredients. Enjoy!




Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup white sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
1 cup fresh blueberries
1/2 cup white sugar
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup butter, cubed
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Grease muffin cups or line with muffin liners.
2. Combine 1 1/2 cups flour, 3/4 cup sugar, salt and baking powder. Place vegetable oil into a 1 cup measuring cup; add the egg and enough milk to fill the cup. Mix this with flour mixture. Fold in blueberries. Fill muffin cups right to the top, and sprinkle with crumb topping mixture.
3. To Make Crumb Topping: Mix together 1/2 cup sugar, 1/3 cup flour, 1/4 cup butter, and 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon. Mix with fork, and sprinkle over muffins before baking.
4. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, or until done.

Nutritional Information:
Amount Per Serving Calories: 383 | Total Fat: 16.1g | Cholesterol: 43mg
Prep Time: 15 Min Cook Time: 25 Min Ready In: 40 Min
Yield 8 large muffins or 12 regular sized

Recipe found here.

Dear blog world,

I have been MIA for the past little while having some grand adventures in Boston with the fam for the 4th of July. Some highlights included Rex Sox game at Fenway, fireworks on the Charles river, whale watching in Massachusetts bay, etc. After a glorious 5 days with my family I hopped on a plane and flew to the other coast--Seattle to be exact--to be with the best friends for Claire and Chad's wedding. Here is a little sneak peak of a few adventures I had.

Walking the streets of Boston on the freedom trail.


We went to Cambridge to visit Harvard and got a sweet tour.


While in Seattle, my friends and I had a few hours to explore downtown. We visited pike place and then found the gum wall, which was SO COOL!


Ultimately we were in Washington for Claire and Chad's wedding, which was amazing by the way. The Seattle temple grounds are breathtaking.



This may be the last you'll hear about these trips of mine because I'd much rather tell you about them in person than blogging them. If you are dying to see/know more, just ask me or visit my picasa web albums here.

yours truly,
Kenj

a little taste of my weekend

Thrifting love.

Ginger's Garden Cafe with Audrey :) Everyone needs to go to Ginger's.
It's my new favorite and it's all I've been thinking about.

Manti Pageant. SO FANTASTIC! Such a gorgeous night with amazing friends.
See a KSL article about it here.

Father's day love. I have the best daddy ever! No joke.

Sister love.

(thanks for the tokbox chat pics elissa!)
More summer adventures to come!

Jonah day no more!

2 shoes + 2 skirts + 3 shoes = $28
thrifted
Oh DI how I love you!

Also here's another holga picture to wet your appetite:

caputured by holga

"It had always seemed to Emily, ever since she could remember, that she was very, very near to a world of wonderful beauty. Between it and herself hung only a thin curtain; she could never draw the curtain aside--but sometimes, just for a moment, a wind fluttered it and then it was as if she caught a glimpse of the enchanting realm beyond--only a glimpse--and heard a note of unearthly music. This moment came rarely--went swiftly, leaving her breathless with the inexpressible delight of it . . ." ~ Emily of New Moon, L.M. Montgomery.

I finally got my holga film developed. The pictures make me happy. Thank you best friends for my beautiful Hogla 120N for my birth(day) last year. I love my plastic camera :)

More treasures to come.

perspective

That's all I'm getting right now.
And it makes me grateful.
This rain-snow can't even get me down.

Counting down the days until I am reunited with my beautiful family!

Katie and I have a new love song together :)

these days

Just another average 12-hour day on campus. My life is on fire.

I only wish this morning looked something like this:

Sadly my grandma shoes are wearing down. It will be a sad day when they must retire.

I'm going to eat brownies now.

just because

Today I received a "just because" letter. I've always wanted one.

And it made my day.

I love my daddy :)

{I forgot where I found this picture}

times like these

"Run as often as you choose, but do not faint"

I'm running. Trying not to faint.

That's my goal.



















Also I am water coloring when all of this is over.

I did this watercolor rose in my art class winter semest :)

give a little bit

4/20/99 We are Columbine.

"You are a Columbine Rebel for life and no one can ever take that away from you" ~ Student quoted on the Ring of Healing wall at the Columbine Memorial

Lately I've been loving the insights and wisdom of Mother Teresa. Such a small woman with such great power who gave all the credit to God. Love this quote:

"I always say I am a little pencil in God's hands. He does the thinking. He does the writing. He does everything and sometimes it is really hard because it is a broken pencil and He has to sharpen it a little more. Be a little instrument in His hands so that He can use you any time, anywhere. We have only to say 'yes' to God." ~Mother Teresa

Let us take some of her teachings and implement them in our lives by dedicating our time to the service of God. Start small. Smile. Say something kind. This world can be a better place.

Peace.

stream of conscienceness

Is it possible to love someone you haven't met yet?

Last day of Math and we learn about proofs.
"What's your middle name? Why?"
"What's your favorite cereal? Why?"
"Are you engaged? Why?"
All these questions lead to proofs: convincing demonstrations that a statement is true.
"Do all quadrilaterals tessellate?"
The answer is yes. I see tessellations everywhere now. They are cool. (We have even created our own Escher-type tessellations. Google him).

You know that feeling when you are on a roller coaster, when you reach the top and are about to plunge down. That moment when time pauses and your heart suddenly leaps up about to fly out of your chest? Without wanting to, she feels that with every glance. Still.

He has perfect attendance. She is just one day behind. "One of these days!" *shakes fist*

I'm on shuff and musicals keep ringing in my ear.
It reminds me of Pandora when we searched 'Kendra.' This song came up called 'Hey Kendra.' (It's from 13 the musical. We'd never heard of it. The play seems kind of scetch . . . but pretty funny).

"Don't take this the wrong way, but that song totally fits your personality."

These fries at Spark were delicious:





















There is no finality to this post.
Such is my life.

Peace.

I'm back

Today was a happy day. I am learning to recognize the hand of the Lord in my life and appreciate the simple things that bring me joy. The church is true and the atonement is real.














{pic via lifelovepaper}

There is a difference between patience and long-suffering (emphasis on the suffering). I have decided to be patient. I guess its something that I really need to learn because it keeps coming up in my life.

I love these thoughts on patience from Dieter F. Utchdorf, an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints:

"Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace . . . Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

(He gave this at the Priesthood session of the 180th Annual General Conference. Read the full article "Continue in Patience" here.)

I am learning to endure well and to find joy in the journey! :)

Word,
Kenj

Mista Een!

Here is what I am loving about today: the hour phone call with a best friend.

I love those people that you haven't seen in months, but find time to call and chat every once in a while. We catch up on life. We laugh. We discuss. We feel. We listen and share in each others lives. It seems like no time has passed since the last time we talked. This guy has more faith and strength than anyone I know. After talking with him about anything, I come out stronger, more confident about life, and better able to meet the challenges of the day. I am always uplifted and left wanting more.

Last time we talked, we discussed opportunities (something that I have been trying to create more in my life). He said that we have the ability to create our own reality. Opportunities won't just come to us all the time, we have to make these opportunities happen. I am thankful for that reminder. I am thankful for his friendship. Ma centanté :)




















{Beatles party '08}

Gosh you gotta love this guy, right?!

Love flows,
Kenj

*********

almost there

"The change." Yesterday. I walked out of church with empty hands and tons of free time. I felt a little lost. Sort of like my identity was stripped from me and I forgot my purpose. This is a weird feeling. Looking back, it all feel sort of like a dream. Did that really happen? Were those experiences real? But It wasn't a dream. It was real.

It's all bittersweet. I didn't think it would feel this way. I didn't know how it would feel.
Change is the spice of life. If it weren't, life wouldn't be so interesting.

Yesterday the sun was shining and the world looked hopeful. There ain't nothing gonna stop me now 'cause I'm almost there!
{Here is the full version, but its not very good quality}

happy spring

My friend Matt showed me Raphael Saadiq yesterday and I am in love. He's got a cool old school soul and R&B feel. Love his acoustic. Check his skills. :)

Here he plays a few songs for NPR's tiny desk concert. Yes it is a bit long, but worth it.

{The video might be cut off so click here if you want to see the full version!}

endure

There is a door hanging on a wall of my favorite building. It is a beautiful door. I feel like it describes my life: 80% painted with a cool, shabby chic varnish and 20% browned with words continually burned in the wood to the point of nonrecognition. That's me 20% of the time, clueless and lost in a circle of chaos. Though these words are someone's thoughts revisited many times. Probably my thoughts. I'm swimming in an ocean of my thoughts.

I sit there next to my door, just swimming. A girl walks by. She's on the phone and speaking as loudly as she dares. She says, "If this were normal life . . . " I didn't hear the rest because my thoughts were: "HELLO! This is normal life!" We are real humans living real lives. We are experiencing real and normal things.

"It's not enough to have to endure trials to get through them. We have to endure them well."
{Ensign, March 2010, Enduring Well, p34-37}

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to endure. I feel like enduring is all that I am doing these days: enduring through classes and projects and work and life. But all that has a negative connotation. Lately this thing called enduring has come to mean something different to me. Something wonderful! More than anything, I feel like enduring means simply to live. To live well through the good and the bad.

There's a catch. My door doesn't have a handle. My Savior is knocking and wanting to help me, but unable to come in. It is my choice to open it. It is your choice too.

Love this picture titled "change always comes bearing gifts." How fitting.

truth

My blogger is full of drafts un-posted. Ideas that popped into my head of something so spectacular that I needed to share it with the whole world! But then I say to myself, "Self, you wrote about this exact idea in your last post. Besides your sisters and grandma, people are probably bored of it." So I let my ideas and dreams just simmer.

I have a hard time being completely honest here. There are so many peeping eyes and crazies out there, who knows who or what could be reading?! How can I give them what is mine, something so precious and under my control: my thoughts. Maybe I'll be a little honest tonight . . .

Becky and I ran into each other and after exchanging the recent happenings in our lives, she said "You look older."
"I feel older."
And that's true. I told her this past year has aged me. My roommate said a few weeks ago that she feels like she has aged 7 years in 7 months. If she's aged a year each month then that would mean I'm 12 years older! I'm thankful though. I like who I am and where I am.

Here's something honest: Sometimes I get lonely. I have people all around me, but I sometimes there is something missing. My best friends, my family, my Bre, Charlie my pup . . . I need them. It's amazing how much you realize the importance of something when its taken away from you for a while.

p.s. this picture makes me eternally happy!

check one:

HEY! I miss you.
Can we hang out this weekend?

yes [] No []

are we there yet

One year. one. 365 days.

This is what excited me a year ago.

alkndkslajficjsdlvnhdsx'"S."?Am\

Days are dwindling.

always on my walks

It seems to be all weather these days.

The downy flakes fall in heaps, but don't stick to the wet ground. I look down at my once pink moccasins that have turned a shade of gray. Hood falls over my eyes. "It is too big," I say. I take off my mitten and the biting cold stings a bit, but I am all warmth.

I can feel the stillness around me. The air is densely thick with anticipation and curiosity, but also a bit of uncertainty.
It has been for months now.
Can you hear the solitary breathing? It goes in and out. It gets heavier as I walk faster.
I pass by many people lost in their own thoughts and I am alone.

What is tomorrow's forecast? I wonder.
It's ready to change.

CHANGE.

One year. Three hundred and sixty five days, give or take a few.
It has brought me here. To this place.
Can you believe it?!

I am stronger. More capable, but . . .

was it enough? Do they know? Is it almost done?

It will never be done.

Mosiah 21: 13-14; 23:10

{catching snowflakes via here}

i have long hair

I love my walks.
I see the dirty pavement sprinkled with wet rain and I drink in the musty smell. Mmmm.
My thoughts ramble on and they are the deepest yearnings of my heart.
A bird chirping tells of things to come. "Cheer up my dear!" he sings, "spring is almost here."
A trumpet sounds and patriotic tunes fill my head.
I pause. I am thankful. I move on.

image found via google images. lovely.

Echinacea Plus

Sweet encouragement from my tea.
It always has the best things to tell me.


















Traditional Medicinals
Herbal Dietary Supplement

not real medicine, but a lifesaver :)
{throat coat is my all time fav}

Also visits from best friends with lovely news are the best!

p to the three

Something clicked!
Again. It's like a constant repeat of "AHA!" moments and being hit on the head with a soccer ball. Ouch, Duh.

It was always there but too easily forgotten between deadlines and stresses and projects and endless hellos/goodbyes/see ya laters.

It's funny how things like loneliness, little reunions, random moments of joy, notable developments, etc. can whip your world around and make you see what was going on in the back.

It's little moments like these where I get a glimpse into what its all about. I want to grab my journ and scribble furiously each word and thought as it comes to me.
Like Whoa!
But when journ is a few buildings, a downward ramp, and 2 blocks away I resort to a comp in the tec of the mckb (soon to be my new home).

Change is constant. It's something to rely on. It won't let you down.
Let's learn to embrace it. Welcome it. USE it. Develop it.

Yours,
Kenj

P.S. For now, I'm looking forward to a letter and LONG conversations of love and friendship soon to be! :)

P.P.S. Do not those little meringues look divine?!

waiting

A new wave of events.

The biting wind brushes against my cheek. I scrunch up my shoulders closer and hold onto that thought tighter.
Look up, close your eyes and just breath a deep sigh. Don't think for one moment; just soak it all up in every part of your existence.

You are a living, breathing human being
and in that instant: invincible, unwavering, determined.

Create your own reality! Do not let opportunities pass you by.

Weaving thoughts keep me distracted
and zee avi tells me to find another tree
and make the wind my friend.
so "i’ll just sing with the birds
they’ll tell me secrets of the world."




















Hebrews 6:10
"For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labor of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister"

real feedback

"It's terribly amusing, how many different climates of feeling one can go through in a day." ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

41:59
Duration of our reconnection.
We talked of happenings, thoughts, future, options, etc.
{D&C 4; 84:88}
to be continued . . .

Some are so sensitive to others
and I am thankful for that.
Can I be more like that?
I am trying.

Chicken tikka masala, good company with
talks of colors and personalities
"let's see our compatibility"

Spring has been calling me.
such a dreamer.
That outlet to express myself is sitting on my shelf
unused & getting dusty.
It's been calling me too.

"What we have loved
Others will love
And we will teach them how" ~ William Wordsworth

Don't just say "good," give real feedback.
What you teach is who you are.
"Keep working on . . . "
Hopes and dreams of how it will look:
Overwhelming & inspiring.

"I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have--life itself." ~ Walter Anderson

and then there was a knock at my door . . .

:)

Bring it on world!

new obsession

Thank you Provo library for being so wonderful. I want to spend hours and hours within your wonderful halls and rooms and isles of bookshelves just reading all day. Thank you especially for the children's literature section where I can relive my childhood.

FREE books and movies! What a concept.

Also I love this video!
Did you know they shot 60,000 pictures for this?!