plethora

A year in pictures '09!

lost

*This is a long post. Just a disclaimer.*

It was a pleasure to smell the L-town breeze.
To feel it and immerse myself in mile high air.
My air. My hometown.

I walked into my clean, orderly room.
All my leftover belongings placed neatly in the shelves, all in their place.
I glance at each item:

A drawing from little Jade given to me at church. I miss her.
All my old journals filled with childish worries {they seemed so important at the time}.
Green glass-blown rose from Grandma.
The top shelf dedicated solely to my dolls, my best friends from before.
My High School letter "C" complete with academic letters, theater and choir pins.
And then a plaque caught my attention . . .

It reads:
Outstanding Vocal Musician. 2007 CHS.

Complete with my name engraved and everything. It's legit.

A rush of memories came flooding back to me:
Senior year. Epic. Dark blue robes, very airy. Lights beating down on a stage. Nerves of a final performance and anticipation for year-end rewards. I had been working towards this for 4 years! Determined to accept whatever came or did not come my way, I decided not to be bitter. I was unwavering.

Each name called, about 7 total, received a metal attached to blue ribbon. I tried not to covet as another was called and another. Each time expecting to hear my name among the few chosen. I felt myself give in and waver a little. I had about given up hope for myself. No one would remember this in about 5 years anyway, what did it really matter? I will hold a straight face. I will be happy for others. Besides I had my fill of stardom these past years, my turn was up.

Somehow I completely forgot about the last award. Suddenly I heard Mr. A say, "Last but not least, for outstanding vocal musician . . . " he turned and looked straight at me. My heart surged forward, just like that leap I've felt the few times I've been on a roller coaster {but that's another story}. Next thing I know people are cheering and clapping, urging me forward through the bleachers to claim my award.

"Woah! Did that really happen to me?"

Specific memories like this one were my defining moments. Things I had only dreamed about and never though possible. I identified myself in such a different way back then. It seems like ages ago . . .

Now . . . I sometimes feel lost. How is that when I've been given so many glorious opportunities to grow and find myself? Why when I have found myself before? Why when I have wonderful friends and family to help me along this path of discovery?

Maybe it's because now I don't have a chorus of people to cheer me on each time I succeed. I do it for myself. I don't need them to cheer me on. I am constantly searching for more truth; each time adds a little bit more until someday I will not be lost anymore. I'll be found.


Wizard: What do you want to be in the world? I mean the whole world. What do you want to be? Close your eyes and think about that.
August Rush: Found.

It would be so glorious to be found.

{image via google images}

five + ten brought three & five

August 15th 2009.
The beginning of many firsts.

It was three months {and one day} ago. Woah. It was a great birthday.

Now there is less than five days of wait!

Look at us! We were all shiny and tan, except for me. I'm white/red always.

also, this . . .

"we were meant to lose people we love. how else would we know how important they are?" ~ the curious case of benjamin button

I thought it was fitting.

Love.

rêver de toi

Whenever it rains I want to listen to chill music and that means Jason Mraz {but I usually always want to listen to him. heh}. Classes ended today so I should be studying for finals, but instead I am just relaxing to the sounds of Jason. Keep it up Jason.

It's kind of sad when old friendships die due to change, neglect, being busy, or whatever it may be. I went to a double bridal shower tonight for my old roommate {what's with it being the season of engagement!?!??! Geez. But that is another story}. I saw the girls that I used to hang out with. We had some fun times back then and they were all great friends of mine. It was nice to catch up with them. It's just interesting because our lives just keep going even though we part ways. We are all growing, changing, learning. I feel like I know those girls, but not really. I can't really describe it. It was just an interesting dynamic.

So right now I am just ready for a change.

{pic found here. I highly suggest checking it out. I want those swimsuits}

quand j'étais petite

When I was younger, it was never uncommon for a sort of pastry or dessert to be found on our kitchen counter at all times, most often it was homemade. One of my favorite things to do was make cookies with my mom. Practically every weekend {usually a sunday} we would bake some sort of loveliness.

















{pic via eating is art}

I found joy in these simple tasks:
get out all the ingredients,
soften the butter,
crack open the eggs,
measure the flour,
pack down the brown sugar,
mix it all together,
scoop out batter with ice cream scoop {classy},
wait patiently as they bake, but . . .
get anxious as the aroma of fresh cookies fills the house,
pour a big glass of milk,
dip fresh, warm cookie in milk,
bit down and savor.
Repeat.

Yes. Those were simpler times, but looking back on then makes me grateful for a mother who was always there for me and still is today. I probably call her way too often, but I can't help it when I love her so much. She is someone who I strive to be more like. She is selfless, compassionate, understanding, a silent leader, my best friend.

I can't wait until I can create memories like this with my own children someday. I wait with anxious excitement for those times.
















{pic via my childhood. seriously}

today i am thankful for . . .

1. Chocolate

2. Chiclets, tiny size {They lose their flavor fast, but it's worth it. They seriously defined my childhood Christmases. nostalgia.}

and

3. My mom who listens and cares {I have the best one!}

panoche. faces. gelato.

making panoche with my grandma over break. it's my favorite dessert. now i appreciate all the work that goes into making it. i can see why we don't make it that often, but it is totally worth it. also some random pics with the fam and some amazing gelato. and for your pleasure a sweet little video, check it out! {sorry about the abundance of pictures}





















i am making this look easy

























the easy way:

















the finished product:



















mon père, hilarious: